The Struggle

As a working mum, you want to try and balance work life with motherhood and this is hard to do.

I have started a new job which I love and I feel guilty for this. My previous job, I was home to pick up Maisie in time and spend whole evenings with her. I now finish at 6pm which means I hardly spend anytime with her in the evenings before her bedtime and it is a massive struggle for me.

The guilt I feel, enjoying myself at work and learning a new field which is exciting and challenging but I love it. How can I say I love it when I have deducted time away from my child?

Balancing is not an easy thing and you have days where you come home and your baby runs up to you and gives you a hug and the guilt blows away because they still love you at the end of the day. Then you have days where you just want to cry because you want to just give them all the attention in the world.

We want our child to rely on us and turn to us first when they are in need. Now I get jealous of her nursery teacher when she gets her all day or I even get jealous of my fiancee when he is at home with her while I am still working.

I know I want to work because I want Maisie to have the best life and she enjoyed nursery so much, why keep her at home with me everyday? If I know this, why do I still have this pain in the pit of my stomach thinking she may stop loving me for going to work and leaving her?

I think most working mother’s must go through this debate in their minds. We need to remember that we are doing this to provide and give them more throughout life and it is not choosing work over our babies. I write this now because I needed to get this out in the open and to remind myself I am not a bad mother because I choose to work. I want Maisie to look at me and be proud and hopefully follow in my footsteps. To see that she can be a successful business woman or whatever she wants to be.

Maisie is my achievement in life, she is my inspiration to continue working hard and being the best I can be. I just hope this guilt will wear off one day and she will always run to me for whatever she needs.

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