I have returned to work and shared a first post with you how the first week went which was  disastrous for Maisie getting a cold straight away.  Now the month has gone past and I can’t say it got much easier.

Maisie managed to recover from her first cold however it was not long after she got ill again and it was much worse. She woke up one morning and it looked like something out of a horror film. Her eyes were covered over in gunk and the snot from her nose had fully crusted over and the guilt I felt having to go to work and leave her at home was a heartbreaking moment. People don’t warn you of this when they go to nursery, until they get their first cold and they say it is normal. It should be plastered everywhere, Do Not Return to Work until they have been to nursery for at least a month. The germs they get introduced too is hard for them and the guilt that piles on you leaving them at home is really, really hard.

Matt had to take 5 days off work because we couldn’t take her to nursery from her being ill and I couldn’t take the days off just starting work! Mother’s need to share this information with each other to help each other. We took her to the doctors twice as she looked and obviously felt so ill, we both felt so useless and it was horrible to watch.

Maisie has finally returned to nursery but we are just hoping she doesn’t catch another cold anytime soon. We hated putting her in her cot when she was in this way, she kept sleeping in our bed as well which wasn’t great for a 5am start and no room in the bed to get comfortable. Parents should be entitled to King size beds by law 😂

I have been so busy at work and enjoying it massively but I have been torn between what is right or wrong by Maisie. It has been so hard since she has been ill nearly the whole month I have returned and Matt stayed home, not me. Am I a bad mother for choosing to go to work over staying at home with my daughter? Am I selfish? Am I doing right by her?

All these questions have been revolving around my mind and Matt always reassures me that parenting is both of us and me working will ensure her a better future however, my purpose when I had Maisie was to be a mum. Some days I feel more positive going to work and Maisie is happy at nursery, but then I feel what is my purpose if my full attention is not on Maisie.

It has been a hard first month, but seeing Maisie after work, smiling at me when I come through the door helps with those fears sometimes. My mum was a stay at home mum to my siblings and I, so sometimes I compare which isn’t a good thing to do I know but I am a bit lost. I love working and have enjoyed going back, but I miss Maisie. It’s a little hard to express, I just hope I’m not the only mother feeling like this